Jump.

I wanted to write about something positive today.  But I realized I wasn't quite there.  I don't know if its because of all that blasted rain and the everyday stresses that seem to get me down.  But I just wasn't feeling it.  So, I decided to just sit and write and see what happens.

That's the way most things go, you know.  Need to get dinner but have no idea what you're hungry for?  Go to the grocery store and see what looks good. . .or what's on sale.  Then, before you know it, you're excited about dinner.  This is a process that speaks loudly to me.  I'll admit that it is nice when I'm feeling all organized and looking at lists to tell me what to do and when.  But I never get the same feeling of satisfaction that comes with pulling something out of thin air at the last minute and watching it soar.

This is the last week of my forty-fifth year here on planet earth.  I don't feel forty-five.  But then again, how exactly is forty-five supposed to feel?  I wouldn't know.  I think it is funny how we judge our age by looking at other people.  I see more evidence of the passage of time by looking at my children than by looking at myself.  They are the road markers in my life. .I was 20 when Caitlin was born, 23 for Jenny, 30 for Colton.  I was 27 when I said goodbye to Madison.  Every single one of those days impacted the course of my life.  And every 24 hour period prior to each of those days was for me, standing on the cusp of something wonderful. 

One thing I have learned as I've gotten 'older' ::gag cough:: is that it appears to the untrained eye that there aren't as many of 'those' days.  I am slowly learning that they are still there.  You just have to look for them.  And sometimes you have to pull them out of thin air.  Maybe we don't give those days as much credit because they seem to come from within.  They are days that aren't necessarily celebrated and remembered every 12 months, but when you look back, they always stand out as days to remember.  Days where you were forced to grow and change in a dramatic way.  Days where you surprised yourself with what you could do.  Days where you stood on the cusp and then pressed forward through the fear and doubt to accomplish something you never knew you were capable of.  

This week I am celebrating my birthday, but I am also celebrating all those days that brought me to where I am today..  And I'm also remembering those days of standing on the cusp, wondering if I had the strength, wondering if I was brave enough, worrying that I would fail. . .and then doing it anyway.   

I want to tell the lady in the painting to jump.  I want to tell her that I know there could be rocks in the water, and yes, she may hit them.  But the water looks GOOD and the moment while she is flying in the air will be amazing.  And if she doesn't jump, she'll never know how great it could have been. 

So, what are you waiting for? 

Jump.